Smoke
by Crimson Coin
Summary: Sawyer reflects on his feelings for Kate (Seasons 3 & 4)


**Title:** Smoke

 **Author:** Crimson Coin

 **Rating:** T – Romance/Angst and some adult themes

 **Summary:** Sawyer reflects on Kate at various moments on the island. (Season 3 & 4)

 **Copyright:** I do not own Lost, the characters or the song credited in this fiction. No infringement is intended and there is no financial compensation.

* * *

Sawyer grunted as he lifted the broken stones from one pile and dropped them into a rickety wheel barrel. Sweat dripped from his forehead, the salty fluid burning his eyes; he tasted it. His hair clung to the back of his neck, his shirt stuck to his body, twisted slightly at the shoulders. The heat overwhelmed him and he resisted the temptation to pull off his shirt. He slowly straightened, pinched his shoulders and rubbed a hand along his lower back. Muscles ached, burned and dizziness nagged at his head but from the exertion, heat and/or dehydration he didn't know. Probably all three.

He cursed his luck, trapped in the Others Concentration camp while Jack sat who knows where. He breathed heavily, sore and near exhausted, definitely dehydrated. He winced, watching as Kate swung a heavy pick ax, breaking bits of rock from a large boulder. The Others forced her to wear a short sun dress and though it was horrible work attire, Sawyer adored the sight.

Her thick dark hair was wound into a sloppy knot, strings of curls wrapping delicately along her neck. Her legs, lean and curved. She pushed the top of the ax into the dirt and gripped the base of the handle. She leaned over, wiping away gravel and bits of debris from the boulder, her one leg extended back just slightly for balance. His mouth watered.

She closed her eyes, those bright amazing and expressive eyes as she wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand then when that offered no relief, used the neckline of her dress. Dirt and dust clung to her skin, tanned from the sun and slicked with sweat. She was filthy but then so was he. And he never saw anything more beautiful.

* * *

Sawyer pressed Kate firmly against the reinforced steel bars of an old cage. He didn't care that the Others could see them, didn't care that he could die the next day. He didn't care about anything but her taste. Her lips were home, soft and firm and everything he imagined. Her hands were rough from the hard labor and the difficult days of island life. She arched into him, craving his touch, for him. Her hunger matched his, her hands desperate for skin, to tug, to pull, to stroke. He nearly howled in victory at her passion.

The wrenching competition with Jack was over. Eager hands stripped him, shoving his pants away, freeing them to indulge in whatever desires raged. He craved her. Inhaling, he gathered her into his lungs, deep and forever forged into his memory. At the touch of her tongue, he growled and an animalistic lust surged to his groin to coil tight and demand release.

His gut clenched, need overwhelming. He never thought she would pick him. Why would she? With Saint Jack always so perfect and though Kate was attracted to Sawyer, she turned to Jack constantly. But not anymore. No more Jack. No more doubts. Kate admitted it, though under duress. She loved him back.

* * *

Sawyer stood on the beach just outside his shelter, the scent of salt heavy in the air. His eyes scanned the white sands for her. He always sought her. Kate stood just down the beach, looking to the north along the coastline offering Sawyer an excellent view of her profile. Her freckles had intensified over the last couple of days from the salt heavy wind and the sun. Her hands rested on her hips, fingers tapping rhythmically on her back and her jeans hugged her hips and thighs, the shirt riding up just enough to offer a tantalizing glimpse of flesh.

She paced towards the water and crouched near the surf. Sawyer tilted his head, brow furrowed as he curiously wondered what she searched for. After a few seconds, Kate stood again and walked back up the beach, wringing her fingers together nervously before letting her hands fall to her sides.

Since their return to the beach, she had not sought Sawyer's tent and he knew she was worried about Jack. Sawyer wondered if she would worry about him the way she worried about Jack if their roles were reversed. Many times in the past, he considered slipping into her tent or saddling up beside her on the beach to pick that pretty brain about her thoughts or her worries. Not anymore. She didn't love him, couldn't love him. Not with Jack in the picture and Sawyer knew there was no way he could compete with the Doc.

It didn't matter. Sawyer had no doubts that Kate was attracted to him and it was only a matter of time before she couldn't resist anymore. He hoped it was soon. He hungered for her.

* * *

When Jack returned with Juliet, Kate was restless. Still, Sawyer waited. Everyone was uneasy with Juliet present. She was an Other and personally responsible for Sawyer's continued incarceration and Kate's as well. If he were honest, Sawyer would admit that he was a bit grateful to the blonde. If not for Juliet, Kate could have died back at the Other's camp. Hell, he would have died there. He supposed he owed Juliet his thanks for letting them escape and shooting one of her own.

That still did not mean he trusted her around Kate or anyone else. Juliet already had Jack completely fooled and buying into whatever con she was running. Sawyer wasn't that easy to fool. He ran cons for a living. The best cons and he was successful for years until his conscience had him slip up. No, Juliet would not pull any wool over his eyes.

Kate paced. The beach, the water, the edge of the jungle then her small tent. She never approached Sawyer or Jack but watched. Mostly Jack with Juliet. He couldn't blame her. She was probably skeptical of Juliet as well.

* * *

Kate crawled into Sawyer's tent and kissed him. He sighed, muscles relaxing into his cushions at the familiar and irresistible sensation. Her quick act surprised him, no words and barely a glance before those supple and perfect lips molded to his. Her taste, her scent overwhelmed him and he dropped the book he was holding to run his hands over her sides, her back and then to tangle in her luxuriously thick hair. He didn't realize how much he was addicted to her until he was forced to go without.

But she returned to him. Sawyer knew it was only a matter of time. If he showed patience, she would come to him on her own. Maybe she did care. Maybe she couldn't stay away. He sure as hell couldn't. She straddled him and sat back, arms crossed to grip the hem of her shirt and she pulled it over her head. He took the opportunity to gaze up at her, lustful eyes focused on her taut stomach, up her firm barely covered breasts then those stunning glistening eyes.

Frowning, he reached up to touch the moisture on her cheeks. Was she crying? What happened that had her so upset? But when he would ask again what bothered her, she dismissed the words and kissed him, harder and deeper. Sawyer succumbed.

* * *

Sawyer lay awake in his tent, staring down at the mass of deep chestnut hair spread over his chest, shoulder and arm. Kate lay awake but relaxed, her delicate warm breath tickling his skin. She never stayed, never slept but each time, she lingered a little longer. He absently stroked his fingers along her waist and hips, drawing random patterns as if rubbing a talisman. He knew why she remained, why she constantly returned to him. She ached just not for him.

It was always something with Jack that triggered her and she sought Sawyer to relieve whatever was ripped from her as if he could fill the void. He knew he never could and though he loved her, she would never love him. He didn't care. Every time she looked at him, came to him, he was there. His arms opened, yearning for her and they always fit so perfectly together. Maybe she would realize that if he was just patient enough.

He wondered if things would change between them. If Kate noticed that as Jack continued to hang around Juliet that Sawyer was there and always had been there for her. Likely not. He was simply seconds and for now, that would do.

* * *

Sawyer's head whipped to the side at her slap and he ran his tongue over his teeth as he watched her stalk away from his house and to the other side of the compound. And yet again, he was second to Captain Jack. He should be used to it by now but each time she left or looked to Jack, it stung. Why couldn't she just make up her god damned mind?

In no way could he compare to Jack. Sawyer had resigned himself to that second place podium some time ago but that didn't mean that he couldn't offer her what she needed and that it didn't burn every time she turned away. Kate reached pretty high to try and be something for the Doc. She and Sawyer were born on the same side of life, a harsh and unforgiving life where one had to claw and climb to just make it through the day.

Sawyer was used to being on his own, fending for himself and doing whatever needed to be done to survive. But it wasn't just about his survival anymore. Ever since he started having feelings for Kate, he tried to be better for her. Maybe he didn't have to be such an asshole all the time and maybe helping people every so often wasn't such a bad thing. Having friends turned out to be quite useful. For someone to have your back in any situation, that was a luxury he enjoyed because of her. Kate had his back. At least he thought she did.

Sawyer snarled, turning from the door and recoiled, slamming his fist into the wall.

* * *

Sawyer swallowed hard, staring intensely at Kate as the helicopter bucked and struggled with the weight of its passengers. His gaze drifted to Jack then back to the frightened expression of the woman he loved. Off the island, he'd lose her to Jack. Or prison. And that was if the helicopter made it to safety. No, it had to. They had to survive. Sun had to survive to have her baby. Aaron was just a little kid and he deserved a chance at life. There was nothing off the island for Sawyer. No friends, no family. Just Clementine. But did he even have her?

Kate could have something though. And Jack and Hugo and Sun. He could give that to her. A chance. A life. Hope. Sawyer kissed Kate passionately then leapt from the helicopter into the ocean.

-FIN-


End file.
